Monday, December 21, 2009

The Blight Before Christmas

I was all dressed for Christmas
And ready to go,
When it came to my attention
That I had to Go.

I pulled off my hat and my coat,
And away I did run
To the end of the hall.

I was feeling much better
And loading my sled,
When again came the feeling
And I ran to the head.

"This ain't good,"
said I to the missus.
"I've got the runs and
I've got to run!"

"Tonight's Christmas Eve!
The biggest night ever!
I'll never eat jalepeno peppers with raisins and rum-cake chocolate-chip ice cream again!
No, never!"

"You're lactose-intolerant!"
said Mrs. Claus tartly,
"You know ice cream makes you
gassy and farty!"

Then what to my watering eyes
Should I see,
But eight tiny reindeer with
Imodium A-D.

"Take this," said Dasher,
"And you'll be fine in a flush!"
I ignored the pun, because
I was in a rush.

I downed the whole bottle
And chased it with a cookie,
I hoped that for now
There would be no more dookie.

My reindeer were all hitched,
And the sleigh was all loaded.
I had to admit
I was feeling less bloated!

With no time to spare,
We were up in the air.
Children's homes everywhere!

And I had to exclaim
As I shifted in my seat,
"Happy Christmas to all!
And watch what you eat!"

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