Friday, December 24, 2010

The Blight Before Christmas


'Twas the night before Christmas!
And at the North Pole
Santa's sleigh was all loaded,
But his tummy was bloated.

He pulled off his hat and his coat,
Y'all,
And away he did run
To the end of the hall.

He was feeling much better
And hopped in his sled,
When again came the feeling
And he ran to the head.

"This ain't good,"
said he to the missus.
"I've got the runs but
I've got to run!"

"Tonight's Christmas Eve!
The biggest night ever!
I'll never eat jalepeno peppers with raisins and rum-cake chocolate-chip ice cream again!
No, never!"

"You're lactose-intolerant!"
said Mrs. Claus tartly,
"You know ice cream makes you
gassy and farty!"

Then what to his watering eyes
Should he see,
But eight tiny reindeer with
Imodium A-D.

"Take this," said Dasher,
"You'll be fine in a flush!"
Santa winced at the pun,
But he was in a rush.

He downed the whole bottle
And chased it with a cookie,
He hoped that for now
There would be no more dookie.

The reindeer were all hitched,
And the sleigh was all loaded.
Santa had to admit
He was feeling less bloated!

With no time to spare,
They were up in the air.
Destination:
Children's homes everywhere!

And I heard him exclaim
As he shifted in his seat,
"Happy Christmas to all!
And watch what you eat!"

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